Old post for a new blog

I was looking over my old (non-existant) blog and saw a post I made almost exactly a year ago. It somehow still fits... And as I look over the blog and think back to where I was when I wrote it, I'm happy that changes have been made. Perfection hasn't been reached, but progress was made. I'm happy with that.

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Mistakes Made and Lessons Learned

(I write for myself... you just happen to be passing by)

As 2009 dawns, and the old year passes into oblivion and memories, I cannot help but consider the happenings of 2008. And yet even beyond just the past 365 days...

I’m haunted by the ghosts of my past, as I’m sure many others are. It seems we are our own worst critic, and our own reminder of past failures. As I consider recent years, my failures loom large before me. I’m man enough to look myself in the mirror and admit what has been a mistake and what I have failed at. However I’m not so vacuous as to hang my “laundry” out to dry without having washed it first, so I, of course, will not be sharing my failures as such here.

The thought that continues to override the vexation of the past, is the hope of the future. The curiously obvious thing about the past is that it cannot be changed. Which, perhaps, is the reason I rarely live with regret of mistakes. Granted, I do regret making the poor decisions, yet I refuse to shackle myself to my past, for to do so would keep me from my future. Instead I have decided to analyze the failures I have made and determine what I can change to prevent making the same or similar mistake again. I have resolved to learn the lesson from my mistakes.

I can see a pattern in my life of having made similar mistakes time and again. Of falling into the same trap. I’m dissatisfied with myself for this. I’ve been like the kid who is told not to touch the hot stove... but he still touches just to see if it REALLY IS hot. Call me a slow learner or hard-headed. (I get called the latter often enough) So I am dissecting and studying my habits and my actions, to discover what I need to change to become a better “me”. I’m not where I want to be in life or with God, so starting now... today, I am changing my actions to avoid the pitfalls that have held me captive in the past.

Please don’t think that I am feeling sorry for myself, I’m just being honest with myself in your presence. It’s therapeutic for me to put my thoughts into words.... so I write.

This may seem at odds with the talk of failure and mistakes, but at the same time I’m happy with my life. There are aspects that I will change, yet it’s a good life. I have family who loves me, friends who care for me, a Pastor who protects me, a church who accepts me, and nothing but an empty canvas ahead, on which I can paint whatever picture I choose, using the brush and paints life gives me. Life may choose what color the paints are, but I choose whether the picture is happy or gloomy.

And for me... in 2009... I choose happy. I’m excited about my future. The past is behind and forgiven... and in time will be forgotten. I hope to look back someday and see not failures and mistakes... but rather Lessons learned and Changes made.